I molested 6 butterflies tonight
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
