I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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