so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
