I'm drive I can fine osifer
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
