threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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