I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
