well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
