I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i dont even know how to be here
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
