Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
