I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
