I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This baby is an asshole
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Randomize
