Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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