One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize