.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Can you bring me the toilet please
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
