Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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