Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
