that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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