my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
