He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
