I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
