M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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