My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
