i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
