Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
