i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
