I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
