It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
