South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
