During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
