the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
