I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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