I can text with my tongue
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
