the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
