I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
