i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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