dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
