oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
