I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
