I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
