1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
