Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
