weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
