walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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