you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
