Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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