so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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