its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
