Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
