Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm always down for nudity.
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