remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
