i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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