u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
