Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize