i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
