toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
