I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
