Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
