gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
