I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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