I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
