he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
