you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just gift wrapped bread.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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