We won't sleep together?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
