I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
