I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
