We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
