Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
