So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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