Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
