The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
