Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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