at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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