i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
