well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
