So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
