I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Actions speak louder than pants.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
